a few days ago, I had the impulse to change my focus.
I drew my attention away from your body that we buried.
I did talk to you since you left your body behind and now I started to look for you in your new presence
I keep asking you throughout the day, Mamushka, where are you now?
How can I feel you now?
I watch attentively where and how I can perceive you.
And I perceive you again.
I realise I am at the beginning of a new relationship with you.
I’m not talking about having you in mind and keeping you in my memory. No.
One thing is clearly noticeable- you are still with me – only different.
Much closer and much more powerful.
And that’s so new, that it’s challenging for me, to feel it.
I did not learn how to keep in touch with someone who leaves the body behind.
And now that I know you’re still around, I want to learn to feel you.
What we call this world is basically the slag, the matter, that is, what is tangible. The beyond is all else, the more comprehensive reality, the much bigger picture.
Your energy is no longer tied to a body.
You are back with God aka the source of life.
You are unlimited now.
We can be that in our bodies as well, but often limiting ourselves through learned beliefs.
I can not / may not / do not earn, etc.
When we die, we become pure energy again and unlimited.
Our society deals with death differently.
With the loss of the physical version of the loved one, he or she seems lost forever.
Even according to Christian understanding, they say the beloved person is with God (in heaven), as if we were entering into a temporary separation.
How can that be?
We humans consist of muscles, bones, organs and other components. If we decompose these, we find cells = molecules = atoms. Conversely, this means. we humans, consisting of atoms, atoms consist of 99.99999999% of empty space or oscillating energy.
Energy never dies.
It only transforms.
We are so much more than our bodies.
Understanding this is extremely important in the mourning process.
You can not talk about God because God is actually the entirety. And if it’s the entirety, then it includes you.
Something we do not know is impossible to imagine.
So you are still here Mamushka- just very different.
I feel you especially in love.
In patience. In generosity.
To really get to know each other, we have to forget everything we know about ourselves. Emptying us spiritually. In the emptiness of non-knowledge becomes noticeable that there is something completely different. Something bigger, timeless and all-encompassing. Love. The existence. The one. You can call it what you want, the words will never be enough. For this nameless reason we live. It connects us to everything that is, what was and will be.
Milda was your Lithuanian name. A friend asked me if Milda was a rare Lithuanian name. I researched and was amazed to find out that Milda is the goddess of love in Lithuanian mythology. You never told me that.
It could not be more suitable.
Pure love, that’s what you have been all the past years. The years that I have made for you as pleasant as I could. I wish I had more resources to make it even more beautiful.
I know that you appreciated it very much as it was.
You thanked us you again and again from the bottom of your heart.
Thank you, thank you, thank you you said and you are so happy to have your son and your daughter who were so close to you. Even if I lived physically far away. This was not an obstacle to feel close.
Sometimes I miss you very much in the old familiar form.
Yesterday I cried bitterly when I remembered that while you were lying on the street and later in the surgery, I was talking to you all the time, but completely forgot to send you energy and I thought, what if … could I have strengthened the miracle of healing?
I felt your presence very strong.
You said, Rinetchen it’s okay, I wanted to go.
It’s good the way it is.
And I felt ease. Sad yet, but calmer. Alleviated. It’s okay the way it is.
I breathed deeply and calmly.
It is what it is.
My mind does not understand that, but my heart feels it.
Mamuschka, you are still around.
Help me to sense you better and better.
Thanks for that. Thank you for everything.
You were and are wonderful.
My best teacher. My home. My mum.
Thank you ❤️